Puzzle pieces of a beautiful picture
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
After the chess game....and here comes the storm
DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT.....Ill always be here.....I am not going anywhere..and all you have to do is just ASK......just take the first step......DAMMIT...why are you making it so hard for me...for both of us
Monday, September 28, 2009
Cheezzzy Pep talk
To those High Schoolian.....I know this week is the crappiest week in your life....so here is a cheeezzzzzyyyy pep talk
'Remember this feeling that you are having now, and use it as a fuel for you to drive forward"
'Remember this feeling that you are having now, and use it as a fuel for you to drive forward"
Dark Cave
We are just like walking in a dark cave.......walking alone.....without any light....dark enveloped us till we can't see ourselves properly, we walk and walk and walk....towards the darkness ahead....without knowing what lies behind those darkness........the darkness shrouded the path...sometimes causing us to trip and fall......but we still stand up and keep on walking the walk that seems endless...because....we know that as we walk.....the darkness ahead might subside and leave us the most beautiful view in the world
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Journey
I just came back from a 4 days 3 night Balik KAmpung Trip.....A good 4days 3 night for me to cool down a nd think straight.....and I've come to a conclusion....for the tiny box....all i had to is just stuff it harder and harder inside...until times finally devour it.....the chess game....all I need to do is just destroy it....destroy the ridiculous chess game and goes with whatever my heart tells me to.....if the outcome for my action is bad...SO BE IT...if it is meant to be...then it is meant to be.....and for the future depression....E Scott Taylor said it all 'Do not look back and grief over the past, for it is gone. And do not be troubled about the future for it is yet to come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering' and finally for the self guilt...I'm going to remember that feeling and use that feeling as a fuel to drive me forward...(cheesy? ya I noe).......To sums it all up....Who said life is fair, What you want and What you get is entirely two different thing.....whatever you get...dont whine about it but use it to its maximum
and finally I am really thankful for all those people that worried about me being emo....and tried their best to cheer me up..eventhough i act normal in front of u guys but u guys still that stg is wrong wit me..THE LOLLIPOP M, ALFORD, AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE THAT DON'T LIKE TO BE NAMED.....guys I'm ok now.....Do wori abt me I have self healing mechanism hahahahaha
and finally I am really thankful for all those people that worried about me being emo....and tried their best to cheer me up..eventhough i act normal in front of u guys but u guys still that stg is wrong wit me..THE LOLLIPOP M, ALFORD, AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE THAT DON'T LIKE TO BE NAMED.....guys I'm ok now.....Do wori abt me I have self healing mechanism hahahahaha
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Future Depression
Why do I try so hard....why do I even bother....at the very beginning I know that someday I'm going to leave that place and Ill never be welcomed back.....but why do I still try so hard..........No matter how hard I try...I ended up hurting myself......am I trying to make amends for the future pain that I'm goin to inflict them......
Chess Game
It is very simple actually...if you want to find someone, to talk to someone, to worried about someone, to hang out with someone, to have dinner and lunch..or even to watch a movie with someone...is actually very very simple.....all you need to do is want it...they are nothing to consider, nothing to worry about.....but why do i have to make it so hard......a simple conversation....i need to make a draft in my head...checking for anything that might push him further away....planning and calculating the timing...for asking him out.....i need to consider a lot of factors and variables for a very simple action.....why do I need to make it so hard.....hanging out with him is like a chess game, need to plan my next move, need to think three steps ahead....and one false move....will leads to total destruction.....
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Losing my grip
Seriously what the hell happen to me?...I'm losing my grip...i seriously losing my grip.....I still remember how determine, discipline and how hardworking I was when I was form 5....I study bio, chemy, physics, math, add math everyday...doin exercise...constant work...I practice my add math, everyday with at least 10 question.....but now.....I only able to practice 5 in a week, 10 if it is a lucky week......I miss my old self.....I use to admire myself.....not goin tuition for bio, chemy, and physics...but study by myself.....but now....I'm struggling like a bastard......I'm losing my grip.....and I have no one to blame but myself...procrastinate all the time.....I was so so so so furious at myself for being so useless........I miss my old self
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Frozen Rain
Keeping it, not seeing it, not thinking about it, not talking about it does not makes it better....it does not make it disappear.....putting it in the tiny box and place it deep in ur heart.....remain dormant.......seems great and looks great but whenever you are alone...when you are in a dark place....when you saw something that brings out a lot of memories....bit by bit the content of tiny box leaks and you'll feel the pain again.......Knowing the facts.....knowing the variables are as slim as none.....still does not take it away.....the feeling is still there.....sometimes you may think that the feeling has gone....but it will never be gone....it will always always be there.....and it hurts like a bitch.....it really hurts like a bitch........
