Puzzle pieces of a beautiful picture
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The Death
So far I have be
en only to two funeral....both are my maternal grandparents. My grandmother died first....few months later my grandfather followed....(clearly shows how much they love each other)....I was 7 at that time....and i don't know any better......I have no idea what is a funeral, I dont understand what is death, and i don't get why all people is so gloomy and dark....sitting there quietly at the corner oblivious about everything that is happening......I was 7 at that time....which means I've only spent 7 years with my grandparents and the visit is very limited since they are living in Ipoh, Perak......my memory of them is very vague.....all I could remember is that my grandfather used to bring me and my cousins with his car (with no air condition, and opened window for ventilation) to many places....such as park, arcade, and kopitiam......I was 7 at that time so all these vague memories doesn't really affect me at all.....so I have no reason to cry and I don't get why i need to be upset......but now I'm 19, no more the stupid and clueless child.....i able to understand and feel the sweetness of those memories.......sometimes I wish that they have more time so that i can spent time with them and they can truly feel my love....
Few days ago.....I heard a news...my paternal grandmother died in a gas leak explosion.....I'm 19 now....I know what is death now....but why do I feel nothing.....no....'why do I feel nothing?' is not the appropriate question....the question is 'How am I able to feel anything?'......unlike my maternal grandparents....I have no contact at all with my paternal side grandparents.....I have never met them before.....I don't even know how they look like.....they are like stranger to me.....and to them I does not exist.....so HOW AM I ABLE TO FEEL ANYTHING?......
en only to two funeral....both are my maternal grandparents. My grandmother died first....few months later my grandfather followed....(clearly shows how much they love each other)....I was 7 at that time....and i don't know any better......I have no idea what is a funeral, I dont understand what is death, and i don't get why all people is so gloomy and dark....sitting there quietly at the corner oblivious about everything that is happening......I was 7 at that time....which means I've only spent 7 years with my grandparents and the visit is very limited since they are living in Ipoh, Perak......my memory of them is very vague.....all I could remember is that my grandfather used to bring me and my cousins with his car (with no air condition, and opened window for ventilation) to many places....such as park, arcade, and kopitiam......I was 7 at that time so all these vague memories doesn't really affect me at all.....so I have no reason to cry and I don't get why i need to be upset......but now I'm 19, no more the stupid and clueless child.....i able to understand and feel the sweetness of those memories.......sometimes I wish that they have more time so that i can spent time with them and they can truly feel my love....Few days ago.....I heard a news...my paternal grandmother died in a gas leak explosion.....I'm 19 now....I know what is death now....but why do I feel nothing.....no....'why do I feel nothing?' is not the appropriate question....the question is 'How am I able to feel anything?'......unlike my maternal grandparents....I have no contact at all with my paternal side grandparents.....I have never met them before.....I don't even know how they look like.....they are like stranger to me.....and to them I does not exist.....so HOW AM I ABLE TO FEEL ANYTHING?......
posted by Crazy Apple at 6:38 AM
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